Weird Al Yankovic Lyrics - Ringtone (Funny)

Funny Song: Ringtone
Artist: Weird Al Yankovic
Album: Internet Leaks
Funny song lyrics below video...

Ringtone Lyrics by Weird Al Yankovic

Once, not very long ago, I was respected, I was popular (popular, ooh)
But now I hang my head in shame (ahh, ooh)
My life is filled with such regret
A bad mistake I can't forget
And now I'll never be the same

Ringtone
Why did I buy this stupid ringtone?
I just can't imagine now what I was thinking at all (What was I thinking?)
My friends all stare at me whenever I get a call
Well, everybody (everybody)
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody in the world really hates my ringtone

When my phone goes off at work
I look like the biggest jerk
Total strangers wanna slap me around
When it's ringin' on the terrace
My neighbors get embarrassed
They're beggin' me to move outta town
Well, it made my wife so sick
She smashed my iPhone with a brick
But I had it fixed, and now it's just fine
It's a pain, I sure don't need it
And I probably should delete it
But for me that would be crossin' the line
'Cause I hate to waste a buck ninety nine
Hey, I paid good money for this...

Ringtone
Why did I buy this stupid ringtone?
I just can't imagine now what I was thinking at all (Really, what was I thinking?)
My friends all stare at me whenever I get a call
Well, everybody (everybody)
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody in the world really hates my ringtone

Ringtone
Ringtone
Ahh, ooh

Chinese factory workers (they hate my ringtone)
Muslim women in burqas (really hate my ringtone)
Starvin' kids in Angola (they hate my ringtone)
Even folks with Ebola (just hate my ringtone)
All the nuns and nannies (all the welfare mothers)
All the Pakistanis (all the Wayans brothers)
Everyone on the land, everyone on the sea
Every single person everywhere unanimously
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody (everybody)
Everybody in the whole wide world really hates my
Ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone... ringtone...

Sean Cullen - Last Comic Standing YouTube

Funny Song: Chimp and the Woman
Comedian: Sean Cullen from Last Comic Standing
Funny song lyrics below video...

Sean Cullen Lyrics - The Chimp and the Woman

There was a woman, who lived alone.
Nobody called her on, the telephone.
She went into the woods one day, found a young chimp, who had gone astray.
She took that primate home, so she wouldn't have to be alone.
They spent the winter together, warm in their love despite, the harshness of, the winter weather.

The Chimp and the Woman
Living together in a house of stone
The Chimp and the Woman
They made this house a home.

The chimp and the woman were happy there.
The chimp was safe, the woman had found a friend
But the townsfolk heard of, this bizarre affair.
They said, "How can she love a creature that is covered with hair"

They came with axes and torches, they burnt her front and back porches.
They kicked in the door shouting, "Death, to the chimp loving whore!"

But they were gone, no one knew were they went.
Years went by and the world spun around.

Then one day, a strange creature walked into town
It came in from the wild, it was a half chimp-half human hybrid child.

And it said;
"I am a chimp child,
I bring fortunate smiles
If we could live in peace then all hatred would cease
If we could learn to love, get the blessings from above.
If we could all hold hands, then maybe then we'd understand."
And the people, oh the people, they beat him to death with a rock.

"My Whole Family Thinks I'm Gay" Lyrics

Funny Song: My Whole Family Thinks I'm Gay
Comedian: Bo Burnham
Album: Bo Fo Sho
Funny song lyrics below video...

My Whole Family Thinks I'm Gay Lyrics by Bo Burhnam

Every time I go to dinner
it seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner
I'll sit down at the breakfast table
I can talk, but they're not able
When I look at them I find
there's a single question on their mind.
I wish it could go back to the way it was
its not easy no because...

My whole family thinks I'm gay
I guess its always been that way.
Maybe its cause of the way I walk,
that makes them think that I like...boys

The g**d*** question just wont go away
cause I get asked every single day
but the way they ask it is no disguise,
like "How was your day? Do you like to kiss guys?"
This is the worst, baby this was my fear
Now their opinions are crystal clear.

My whole family now is shocked,
I'm in the closet and the door is locked.
Now my glory days are gone,
I was John Elway now I'm Elton John.

My whole family now suspects,
That watching SpongeBob had side-effects.
But I'm not gay and that's what I said,
If I'm gay then god strike me dead.

Just cause I go to an all-guys school,
Doesn't mean Justin Timberlake makes me drool.
When I go outside, what do I see?
The clouds in the sky spell "F-A-G"

I think that God might think I'm gay,
What does he know anyway.
My grandma gave me a present just last year,
and the card said, "Happy Birthday queer!"

My whole family thinks I'm "fab"
There's a guys butt, hey Bo, take a stab!
Why doesn't he get women, there's no other way,
Its cause I'm lanky, not cause I'm gay.

Just cause I'm afraid of the snow,
Or my favorite color is, the rainbow.
I don't mean to yell but I fear I must,
Cause I'm losing the people that I thought I could trust.

Even my boyfriend thinks I'm gay...just kidding

You all probably think I'm gay,
Man this song is counterproductive...
la la la la la...

Cause my whole family thinks I'm gay,
What am I suppose to say?
Baby you gotta see right through the haze,
Easy-Bake oven was just a phase.

My whole family thinks I'm queer,
That is all I ever hear,
But I've been as straight as a ramp,
If you don't count Bible camp.

"Inner City Pressure" Lyrics - Flight of the Conchords

Funny Song: Inner City Pressure
Comedy Group: Flight of the Conchords
CD: Flight of the Conchords
Funny lyrics below video...

"Inner City Pressure" Lyrics by Flight of the Conchords

Inner city life.
Inner city pressure.
The concrete world is starting to get ya.
The city is alive, the city is expanding.
Living in the city can be demanding.
You pawned everything, everything you owned.
Your tooth brush jar and a camera phone.
You don't know where you're going.
You cross the street, you don't know why you did.
You walk back across the street.
Standing in the sitting room.
Totally stint. And your favorite jersey is covered in lint.
You want to sit down but you sold your chair.
So you just stand there. You just stand there...
(YOU JUST STAND THERE!)

Inner. Inner city. Inner city pressure.

Counting coins on the counter of the 7/11.
From a quarter past six til a quarter to seven.
The manager, Bevin, starts to abuse me.
Hey man, I just want some Muesli.
Neon signs, hidden messages.
Questions, answers, fetishes.
You know you're not in high finance.
Considering second hand underpants.
Check your mind, how'd it get so bad?
What happened to those other underpants you had?
Look in your pockets, haven't found a cent yet.
Tenant's on your balls, "have you payed your rent yet?"

Inner. Inner city. Inner city pressure.
Inner. Inner city. Inner city pressure.

So you think maybe you'll be a prostitute.
Just to pay for your lessons, you're learning the flute.
Ladies wouldn't pay you very much for this.
Looks like you'll never be a concert flautist.

You don't measure up to the expectation.
When you're unemployed, there's no vacation.
No one cares, no one sympathizes.
You just stay home and play synthesizers.

Inner. Inner city. Inner city pressure.
Inner. Inner city. Inner city pressure.

Flight of the Conchords - The Complete First Season

Lunch Lady Land Lyrics - Adam Sandler

Funny Song: Lunch Lady Land
Comedian: Adam Sandler
Album: They're All Going to Laugh at You
Funny song lyrics below video...

Lunch Lady Land Lyrics by Adam Sandler

Woke up in the morning.
Put on my new plastic glove.
Served some re-heated salsbury steak
With a little slice of love.
Got no clue what the chicken pot pie
Is made of.
Just know everything's doing fine
Down here in Lunch Lady Land.

Well, I wear this net on my head
'Cause my red hair is fallin' out.
I wear these brown orthopedic shoes
'Cause I got a bad case of the gout.
I know you want seconds on the corn dogs,
But there's no reason to shout.
Everybody gets enough food
Down here in Lunch Lady Land.

Well, yesterday's meatloaf
Is today's sloppy joes
And my breath reaks of tuna
And there's lots of black hairs comin' out of my nose.

In Lunch Lady Land, your dreams come true.
Clouds made of carrots and peas.
Mountains built of shepherd's pie
And rivers made of macaroni and cheese.
But don't forget to return your trays
And try to ignore my gum disease.
No student can escape
The magic of Lunch Lady Land.

Oh..
Hogies and grinders.
Hogies and grinders.
Hogies and grinders.
Navy beans.
Navy beans.
Navy beans.
Hogies and grinders.
Hogies and grinders.
Navy beans.
Navy beans.
Meatloaf sandwich.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.
Come on.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.
Yeah.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, *farting noise* joe.

Well, ah, dreamt one mornin'
That I woke up to see
All the pepperoni pizza
Was a-lookin' at me.
It screamed, "Why do you
Burn me and serve me up cold?"
I said, "I got the spatula,
Just do what you're told."

Then the liver and onions
Started joinin' the fight
And the chocolate pudding
Pushed me with all its might
And the chop juey slapped me
And it kicked me in the head.
"It's called revenge, Lunch Lady,"
Said the garlic bread.

I said, "What did I do to
Make you all so mad?"
They said, "You got flabby arms
And your breath is bad."
Then the green bean said,
"You better run and hide."
But then my friend, sloppy joe,
Came and joined my side.

He said, "If it wasn't for the Lunch Lady,
The kids wouldn't eat ya.
You should be shakin' her hand and sayin'
'Please to meet ya.'
She gives you a purpose
And she give you a goal.
You should be kissin' her feet
And kissin' her mole."

Now, all the angry foods
Just leave me alone
And we all live together
In a happy home
Thanks to
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.
Yeah.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.
Come on.
Sloppy joe.
Slop, sloppy joe.

Well, me and sloppy joe got married.
We got six kids and we're doin' just fine
Down in Lunch Lady Land.

Related searches: adam sandler lyrics, lunchlady land lyrics, lunch lady snl, lunch lady land saturday night live

"Ladies of the World" Lyrics - Flight of the Conchords

Funny Song: Ladies of the World
Comedy Group: Flight of the Conchords
Funny lyrics below video...

"Ladies of the World" Lyrics by Flight of the Conchords

Ooohhh....ooooh....
I just wanna, I just wanna
Just wanna do something special for all the Ladies in the World
Oh yes
Just wanna do somethin' special
Ah
For all the Ladies in the world
Is that possible?
And the gir-rls
Don't forget them girls

Caribbean (Ladies)
Parisian (Ladies)
Bolivian (Ladies)
Namibian (Ladies)
Eastern Indochinian (Ladies)
Republic of Dominican (Ladies)
Amphibian (Ladies)
Presbyterian (Ladies)

Outta sight
Amazin' ladies
Late night
Hard workin' ladies
Erudite
Brainy ladies
Hermaphrodite
Lady-man-ladies
Oh you sexy hermaphrodite lady-man-ladies
With your sexy lady bits
And your sexy man bits too
Even you must be in to you ooo ooo

All the ladies in the world
I wanna get next to you
Show you some gratitude
By makin' love to you it's the least we can do...
If every soldier in the wo-orld
Put down his weapon and picked up a woman
What a peaceful world this world would be-eee...

Redheads not warheads
Blondes not bombs
We're talkin' about brunettes not fighter jets
Oooh Oooh it's got to be Sweet 16's not M-16's
When will the governments realize it's got to be funky sexy ladies?

I have a vision and all I can see
Is all of you with 'a all of me
In a world of peace and harmony
Where every lady gets a little piece of Bret-y

I've been to Paris, Wellington and Amsterdam
And a wham-bam, Merci, Danke, thank 'a you ma'm
I don't care if you're ugly or you're skanky or you're small
I just wanna do a little something special for y'all...

All the ladies, in the world, you deserve it, Girrrrrrl...

Flight of the Conchords - The Complete First Season

Funny Song Lyrics: "South of the Border"

Funny Song: South of the Border
Artist: Larry Weaver
CD: Looking for Fun
Funny Song Lyrics below video...

South of the Border Lyrics

Every year I pack the car and head for Myrtle Beach
Where else can one have so much culture within one’s reach?
I love to see those girls with big hair cruising down the strand
And see those rednecks get redder instead of getting tan.

But Myrtle Beach is not my favorite part of the trip
I first must make a little stop before I get to it
So let’s hop into my Nova and head for that state line
And when I see that big sombrero I’ll know everything is fine.

Take me to South of the Border I think you know the way
Just follow those clever billboards along the interstate
Take me to South of the Border I love those neon signs
“Chili Today, Hot Tamale” man, that one gets me every time.

We’ll check into Pedro’s Motel and leave our troubles at the door
Then it’s off to Pedro’s Fireworks -- we’ll stock up for July 4
Then over to Pedro’s Martial Arts to get some gifts for the kids
I think they’ll like some throwing stars, num chucks and a big bullwhip.

Then it’s down to Pedro’s T-shirts where I’ll have the time of my life.
Let’s get grandma that funny hat that reads “Old Fart’s Wife”
And let’s get dad some underwear that will scream “Hey, I’m high class”
The ones with the inscription “World’s Largest Source of Natural Gas.”

Take me to South of the Border down where Pedro lives
I need to buy some Chia pets they make such great gifts
Take me to South of the Border just below that state line
When I see that big sombrero, I’ll know everything is fine.

OK. I want everyone listening out there to sing the chorus with me. Are you ready? Here we go… In spanish:

Vamos a frontera del sur donde Pedro vive
Necissito compro Los Chiapets son buenos regalos
Vamos a frontera del sur debajo estado de linea
Cuando vea sombrero grande, yo se todo es bien.

Take me to South of the Border just below that state line
When I see that big sombrero, I’ll know everything is fine.

New Year's Resolution Song Lyrics

Funny Song: New Year's Resolution Song
Artist: Rhett & Link
Funny Song Lyrics below

Watch the latest videos on YouTube.com

working out, losing weight
maybe using tanning spray
becoming more attractive in general

reading more, watching less
learning all the rules for chess
becoming somewhat smarter in general
eating fish, not fingernails
volunteer to save the whales
becoming a better guy in general
saving more, spending less
yes I will wax my chest
dating more girls in general

But not this year. No this year is different!
As different as a gazelle. Yes, a gazelle from a deer. (They're actually not that different.)
After all these failed resolutions.
My future is clear, the future is near!

Just forget those resolutions you
know that you are never gonna do
and adopt a more realistical view
by committing to things that come easily to you
like eat at least one value meal a week
or put the correct shoes on the correct feet
just "Raise the bar to walk effortlessly underneath!"

Just face the fact you've always thought
those resolutions don't mean squat
Settle in to a comfortable spot
embrace all the things you know you are not.
Hit the snooze, roll over, then repeat
Make large purchases, then lose the receipts
just "Raise the bar to walk effortlessly underneath!"

Funny Video: The Oxymorons Song

Comedian: Dave & Andy
Song: Untitled (The Oxymorons Song)
Album: Unreleased
An oxymoron is a contradiction in terms like "awful good" or "pretty ugly". This song is comprised almost entirely of Oxymorons. The name of this song is "Untitled." Performed by Dave & Andy at the Comic Strip Live in New York. Watch more funny songs from Selected Hilarity.