Funny Valentine's Day Song: Sweet Little Blossom of Mine

Funny Valentine's Day Song: Sweet Little Blossom of Mine
Artist: Henry Phillips
Album: On the Shoulders of Freaks
Funny song lyrics below video...

Sweet Little Blossom of Mine Lyrics

You are the blossom,
I am the vine,
You are the blossom,
I am the vine,

Sweet Little Blossom of Mine,
Hanging on the vine,
Extracting all the nutrients from inside,
Sweet Little Blossom of mine,

You are the Oyster,
I am the Pearl,
You are the Oyster,
I am the Pearl

Sweet Little Oyster of mine,
Irritating you from inside,
Covering me with your mucus-like substance until I shine,
Sweet Little Oyster of mine.

I am the Host Organism,
You are the unicellular dinoflagellate algae,
I am the Host Organism,
You are the unicellular dinoflagellate algae,

Sweet Little unicellular dinoflagellate algae of mine,
Letting me use your chloroplasts to photosynthesize,
Providing me with carbon in exchange for the nutrients you obtain from my anabolic pathways,
Sweet Little unicellular dinoflagellate algae of mine,

You are the Commonwealth of Independent States,
I am the United States Department of International Development,
You are the Commonwealth of Independent States,
I am the United States Department of International Development,

Sweet Little Commonwealth of Independent States of mine,
Helping you to recover from your decline,
Spending 2.5 billion dollars in financial assistance to help invigorate your economy and help stabilize your ruble,
Sweet Little Commonwealth of Independent States of mine,

You are the Elvis
I am the Colonel Parker
You are the Elvis
I am the Colonel Parker

Sweet Little Elvis of mine,
Right there by your side,
Pulling your bloated 250 pound, cocaine and barbiturate saturated body out of the bathtub to keep it from drowning in a puddle of your own vomit,
Sweet Little Elvis of mine,
(In a mock Elvis voice) Sweet Little Elvis of mine,
Sweet Little Commonwealth of Independent States of mine,
Sweet Little unicellular dinoflagellate algae of mine,
Sweet Little Oyster of mine.
Sweet Little Blossom of mine.

Funny Love Songs - Little Debbie, A Love Song about Snack Cakes

Funny Love Song: Little Debbie
Artist: Larry Weaver
Album: Everybody's Crazy But Me!!!
Funny song lyrics below video...

Little Debbie Lyrics

I’ll never forget the day we met in that grocery aisle
     I’ve never been giggly in a Piggly Wiggly but you sure made me smile.
And since that day I’ve been blown away by your sweetness, baby
     You make me holler for only a dollar, I love you so... Little Debbie.

Well, people say you’re no good for me but I don’t want to hear
     I know you’ll never break my heart
Well you might clog it up, but I don’t care.
     Cause a man can’t have too much sugar
And even though I’m getting a little heavy
     I need the thrill of your chocolate fill
I love you so, Little Debbie.

Well my heart starts to pound when I eat a Fudge Round, oh the joy it brings
     I yell “Oh lookie, it’s an Oatmeal Cookie,” it makes my tummy sing.
All I want for lunch is a Star Crunch, and I would trade my car
     For a big bowl of Swiss Cake Rolls and a Nutty Bar.

Well the doctor says your no good for me, but what does he know?
     He tells me to avoid the sweets
But he's sneaking around with his Ho-Ho.
     Hey, a man can't have too much sugar
And even though I’m getting a little heavy
     Your chocolate filling is oh so thrilling…
I love you so, Little Debbie.

Business Time Lyrics - Flight of the Conchords

Funny Song: Business Time
Comedian: Flight of the Conchords
Album: Flight of the Conchords
Description: If you don't have HBO, it's worth getting just to watch "Flight of the Conchords." The show follows the lives of Bret and Jemaine from New Zealand's fourth most popular digi-folk parodists, Flight of the Conchords, as they try to find success and love in New York. In this video, Jemaine waxes poetic about a clumsy and awkward scheduled "date" night.
Funny song lyrics below video...

Business Time Lyrics by Flight of the Conchords

Aww yeah
That’s right baby.
Girl, tonight we’re gonna make love. You know how I know, baby? ‘Cause it’s Wednesday. And Wednesday night is the night that we make love. Tuesday night’s the night that we go and visit your mother, but Wednesday night is the night that we make love. ‘Cause everything is just right conditions are perfect. There’s nothing good on TV. Conditions are perfect. You lean in close and say something sexy like, “I might go to bed I’ve got work in the morning.” I know what you’re trying to say baby. You’re trying to say, “Oh, yeah. It’s business time. It’s business time.”

It’s business.
It’s business time.
That’s what you’re trying to say you’re trying to say let’s get down to business it’s business time.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
Next thing you know we’re in the bathroom brushing our teeth. That’s all part of it, that’s foreplay. Then you go sort out the recycling. That’s not part of it but it’s still very important. Then we’re in the bedroom. You’re wearing that ugly old baggy t-shirt from that team building exercise you did for your old work. And it’s never looked better on you.

Oh, team building exercise ’99.

Oh, you don’t know what you’re doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them ‘cause I still got my shoes on. But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I’m down to just my socks and you know when I’m down to just my socks what time it is…it’s time for business. It’s business time.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
You know when I’m down to just my socks it’s time for business that’s why they call it business socks.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
Oh.
Ooh, makin’ love.
Makin’ love for two.
Makin’ love for two minutes.
When it’s with me you only need two minutes, ‘cause I’m so intense. Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven. You say something like, “Is that it?” I know what you’re trying to say. You’re trying to say, “Aww yeah, that’s it.” Then you tell me you want some more. Well I’m not surprised. But I’m quite sleepy.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
Business hours are over. Right, right.

It’s business.
It’s business time.

Love Me Sexy Lyrics - Will Ferrell Music Video

Funny Song: Love Me Sexy
Artist: Will Ferrell aka Jackie Moon
From the Movie Semi-Pro, starring Will Ferrell

 

Love Me Sexy Lyrics

Intro: (Jackie is in pillow talk voice a la Barry White)
Come on girl, yeah..it’s me Jackie Moon.
Don’t gimme that look, that’s right, let’s get sweaty, let’s get real sweaty
I’m talkin’ rainforest sweaty, I’m talkin’ swamp sweaty.
Let’s fill the bathtub full of sweat…alright.

CHORUS:
Baby who wants to love me sexy uh?
Baby are you ready to lick me sexy uh uh?
Take off your shoes and suck me sexy
Baby we’re naked and we’re humpin’ sexy

VERSE 1:
I wanna do a little thing wit choo
I wanna do a little thing wit choo
When I say love me you say sexy
Love me ******* sexy
Back it on up and show and prove
That lovin’ me sexy is the thing to do
Your body says love me your mind says sexy
Love me sexy

CHORUS:
Baby who wants to love me sexy uh?
Baby are you ready to lick me sexy uh uh?
Take off your shoes and suck me sexy
Baby we’re naked and we’re humpin’ sexy

VERSE 2:
Freak of the week are you in the mood
To fly to the stars with Jackie Moon
When I say love me you say sexy
Love me ******* sexy
Our Zodiac signs are compatible
Clocking that ass from across the room
Your body says love me your mind says sexy
Love me ******* sexy

CHORUS:
Baby who wants to love me sexy uh?
Baby are you ready to lick me sexy uh uh?
Take off your shoes and suck me sexy
Baby we’re naked and we’re humpin’ sexy

INTRO 2: (Jackie is in pillow talk voice a la Barry White)
That’s right girl, let me whisper in your ear
Baby wake up, we’re naked and we’re humpin’ sexy
For the last fifteen minutes baby, that’s what’s been happen’
Yeah, too late now, it’s on.

CHORUS Out:
Baby who wants to love me sexy uh?
Baby are you ready to lick me sexy uh uh?
Take off your shoes and suck me sexy
Baby we’re naked and we’re humpin’ sexy
Who wants to love me sexy?
Is it you? Or is it you?
Are you ready to lick me sexy?
Is it you? Or is it you?
Take off your shoes and suck me sexy
Is it you? Or is it you?
Baby were naked and we’re humpin’ sexy.
Is it you? Or is it you?

Buy Semi-Pro (Single-Disc R-Rated Edition)

Funny Love Songs - My Virtual Girlfriend Lyrics

Funny Love Song: My Virtual Girlfriend
Funny Artist: Larry Weaver
Funny CD: Looking for Fun
Free MP3 Download - Add to your Facebook profile!

My Virtual Girlfriend

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
I met her on the Internet
Don’t care that I ain’t seen her yet
Cause she’s my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

I found her at AOL love online
she said this big, busty from Bama is quite a find
I downloaded her picture and what a dream
looked like a face cut out of a magazine
Well, it turned out it was but I didn’t mind.

Now I see her at home and I see her at work some more
I even bought a laptop so we can make out on the floor
I can’t kiss her, can’t touch her, can’t give her a hug
I reach for the mouse when I want to make love
And that will get you fired if you don’t lock the office door.

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
I feel like I know her oh so well
Every time she tells a joke I LOL
Cause she’s my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

Her online love is so very hot.
And if I get a virus, I wont’ need a shot.
It all seemed so perfect, but one day...

She emailed me, and said I’ve got bad news
You and I are www.through
In my heart you’ll always have a place
I just need more, cyberspace
And don’t try to page me on ICQ.

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
My friends all say I’ve lost my head
I’m just caught up in her World Wide Web.
Cause she’s my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

[Spoken] Man, I’ve got to win her back. I know she’s online. Hey baby, please come back. I need you. What do you mean there’s things I don’t know about you? We can work anything out. What? You’re a what? Oh… so that explains why you know so much about baseball.

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
She brings me happiness, she brings me joy
I don’t care if my girl is a 14 year old boy.
She’s still my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

Funny Love Songs - Two For One Coupon by Wally Pleasant

Funny Love Song: Two For One Coupon
Artist: Wally Pleasant
Album: Hoedown

 

If you're not familiar with the great Wally Pleasant, you need to drop what you're doing and go buy his CD "Hoedown" right away. The album features the hilarious comedy songs "Wreck of the Old 486", "Home Sweet Home on Wheels", and this tribute to cheap boyfriends everywhere, "Two For One Coupon". You never know how long these free mp3s will be around, so download the song now

Two for One Coupon Lyrics by Wally Pleasant

Friday afternoon and I get home early
I call you up cause I got to see my girly
I thought about you, all day
And I just want to celebrate in a real special way
So fix your hair up just right
Put your best dress on
I got a two for one coupon
Being with you is like being in paradise
Especially when I don’t pay full price

I got a two for one coupon
That’s you and me
Buy one get one free
I got a two for one coupon
And I just got to say
It expires today

The way your looking at me is giving me chills
Man, I hope this place has free refills
And the flowers that I got you that you hold so dear
Make me glad I passed the cemetery on the way here
And I don’t want to ruin this magical moment that were sharing
But on the way home can we stop at the store and return the suit that I’m wearing
And after that we’ll walk under the moonlight and hold hands
While we search for returnable cans

I got a two for one coupon
That’s you and me
Buy one get one free
I got a two for one coupon
And I just got to say
It expires today

Baby, baby, your heaven sent
Let me move in with you cause right now I live in a tent
And if things don’t work out I won’t lament
I’ll just crash out on your couch and we can split the rent

I got a two for one coupon
That’s you and me
Buy one get one free

Let’s celebrate this love between us
Until we have to catch our bus
Whoahoahoahoahoahoahoahoa

Could you get the tip

I got a two for one
I got a two for one
I got a two for one coupon, baby

Funny Song Lyrics: "State Fair Woman"

Song: State Fair Woman
Artist: Larry Weaver
CD: Looking for Fun


I was walking by myself all around the state fair
Smells of cotton candy and corn dogs drifted through the air
I was just looking for fun, not looking for romance
But I saw a fine young lady and I had to take a chance

She worked there at that booth where they try and guess your weight.
So I reached down for my wallet and stepped on up to the plate
One sixty was her guess and she was mighty near.
If I hadn’t eaten those turkey legs, and that elephant ear

She yelled, “We got a winner, now come pick your prize”
But I’d found just what I wanted when I gazed into her eyes
The moonlight reflected off the gold in her front tooth
And guided me to love right by that polish sausage booth.

Chorus
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny queen
She had one lazy eye, but most all of her teeth.
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny girl
She took me for a ride on that love Tilt a Whirl.

She wore snakeskin cowboy boots and a denim mini-skirt
With cigarettes rolled in the sleeve of her Dixie Chicks t-shirt
She stood about 5 foot three, or six feet if you count her bangs
We started walking round the fair and saw some crazy thangs:

A tiny horse, a giant pig, man this was one wild date.
A huge Taco Bell dog and a Travis Tritt license plate
As we strolled down the midway my heart was filled with pride
Bought a big ol’ roll of tickets, just hoping for a ride

Chorus
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny queen
She had one lazy eye, but most all of her teeth.
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny girl
She took me for a ride on that love Tilt a Whirl.

I asked if she would be my wife
She said “How can I leave this carny life?
You see, the bearded lady is my mother.
And the strongman is my daddy and my brother.”

Chorus
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny queen
She had one lazy eye, but most all of her teeth.
She’s my state fair woman, she’s my carny girl
She took me for a ride on that love Tilt a Whirl.