Funny Love Songs - My Virtual Girlfriend Lyrics

Funny Love Song: My Virtual Girlfriend
Funny Artist: Larry Weaver
Funny CD: Looking for Fun
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My Virtual Girlfriend

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
I met her on the Internet
Don’t care that I ain’t seen her yet
Cause she’s my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

I found her at AOL love online
she said this big, busty from Bama is quite a find
I downloaded her picture and what a dream
looked like a face cut out of a magazine
Well, it turned out it was but I didn’t mind.

Now I see her at home and I see her at work some more
I even bought a laptop so we can make out on the floor
I can’t kiss her, can’t touch her, can’t give her a hug
I reach for the mouse when I want to make love
And that will get you fired if you don’t lock the office door.

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
I feel like I know her oh so well
Every time she tells a joke I LOL
Cause she’s my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

Her online love is so very hot.
And if I get a virus, I wont’ need a shot.
It all seemed so perfect, but one day...

She emailed me, and said I’ve got bad news
You and I are www.through
In my heart you’ll always have a place
I just need more, cyberspace
And don’t try to page me on ICQ.

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
My friends all say I’ve lost my head
I’m just caught up in her World Wide Web.
Cause she’s my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

[Spoken] Man, I’ve got to win her back. I know she’s online. Hey baby, please come back. I need you. What do you mean there’s things I don’t know about you? We can work anything out. What? You’re a what? Oh… so that explains why you know so much about baseball.

She’s my virtual girlfriend, and I’m her virtual man
I log on to her love anytime I can
She brings me happiness, she brings me joy
I don’t care if my girl is a 14 year old boy.
She’s still my virtual girl and I’m her virtual man, yeah, yeah.

Funny Love Songs - Two For One Coupon by Wally Pleasant

Funny Love Song: Two For One Coupon
Artist: Wally Pleasant
Album: Hoedown

 

If you're not familiar with the great Wally Pleasant, you need to drop what you're doing and go buy his CD "Hoedown" right away. The album features the hilarious comedy songs "Wreck of the Old 486", "Home Sweet Home on Wheels", and this tribute to cheap boyfriends everywhere, "Two For One Coupon". You never know how long these free mp3s will be around, so download the song now

Two for One Coupon Lyrics by Wally Pleasant

Friday afternoon and I get home early
I call you up cause I got to see my girly
I thought about you, all day
And I just want to celebrate in a real special way
So fix your hair up just right
Put your best dress on
I got a two for one coupon
Being with you is like being in paradise
Especially when I don’t pay full price

I got a two for one coupon
That’s you and me
Buy one get one free
I got a two for one coupon
And I just got to say
It expires today

The way your looking at me is giving me chills
Man, I hope this place has free refills
And the flowers that I got you that you hold so dear
Make me glad I passed the cemetery on the way here
And I don’t want to ruin this magical moment that were sharing
But on the way home can we stop at the store and return the suit that I’m wearing
And after that we’ll walk under the moonlight and hold hands
While we search for returnable cans

I got a two for one coupon
That’s you and me
Buy one get one free
I got a two for one coupon
And I just got to say
It expires today

Baby, baby, your heaven sent
Let me move in with you cause right now I live in a tent
And if things don’t work out I won’t lament
I’ll just crash out on your couch and we can split the rent

I got a two for one coupon
That’s you and me
Buy one get one free

Let’s celebrate this love between us
Until we have to catch our bus
Whoahoahoahoahoahoahoahoa

Could you get the tip

I got a two for one
I got a two for one
I got a two for one coupon, baby

Funny Song Parodies: "If I Had a Hammer"

Funny Song: If I Had a Hammer
Artist: Larry Weaver
Album: Dementia 2001
Parody Of: If I Had a Hammer by Peter, Paul, and Mary

This is both a funny sketch and song parody of "If I Had a Hammer," popularized by the group Peter, Paul, and Mary. The song has been covered countless times, but no one has posed the question, "Hey - why don't any of these people have a hammer?" You never know how long these free mp3s will be around, so download the song now

Download Funny Songs: "Particle Board" by Rob Parvonian

Funny Song: Particle Board

Artist: Rob Paravonian

Album: Living it Down

A very relateable funny song about cheap furniture that Rob performed on Comedy Central. This free funny mp3 is the studio version from the CD Living It Down. You never know how long these free mp3s will be around, so download the song now

Download Funny Songs: "Neil Diamond's Cat in the Hat"

Funny Song: Neil Diamond's Cat in the Hat
Artist: Mark Eddie
Album: Comedy That Rocks
Parody of: I Am.. I Said by Neil Diamond

This free mp3 is a funny song, an impression, and a parody all rolled into one! Comedian/musician Mark Eddie imagines rock legend Neil Diamond, "The Great Storyteller", as a third grade teacher. This live recording showcases Mark at his best with his impression of Neil Diamond singing a version of Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat. You never know how long these free mp3s will be around, so download the song now

Download Funny Songs: "Nursery Rhyme Lawyer"

Funny Song: Nursery Rhyme Lawyer
Artist: Throwing Toasters
Album: Chrome

This is a great song about a lawyer who represents characters from popular nursery rhymes. Humpty Dumpty, Jack 'n Jill - all victims of needless accidents. Who do you call? The Nursery Rhyme Lawyer. Who else is going to serve a restraining order to keep the spider away from Little Miss Muffet. You never know how long these free mp3s will be around, so download the song now

Nursery Rhyme Lawyer Lyrics

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall and
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't get him a dime
But I could

Jack and Jill went up the hill
To fetch themselves a pail of water
They fell down and we sued everyone
Including the hill owner's daughter

If you are a nursery rhyme
And you're in trouble all the time
Wanna put your wife in a pumpkin rhine?
I can give you peace of mind

'Cause my service is one of a kind
I'm the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer

Little Miss Muffett sat on her tuffet
And then that spider came out to play
We served that arachnid with a restraining order
Now he must be at least two hundred yards away

Blackbirds baked in your pie?
Boy kissed you and made you cry?
Your cow jumpin' into the sky?
Crazy, thinkin' he could fly

Give my services a try
And see what a good boy am I

My ex-husband, that crooked old man, ran off with that floozy gardner, Mistress Mary, and left me with these twenty kids living in a shoe. I didn't have any idea what to do. So, I called up the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer. In just one week, he had found that miserable scum-bag of a man and had him paying child support. Huh! He can keep those cockle shells, I got the money. We live in a boot now, and I have a summer sandle on the lake. Thank you Nursery Rhyme Lawyer!

When your cupboard is bare
I'm gonna be there
Dish ran away with your spoon
I'll get it back soon

If you've lost your sheep
There's no need to weep
Someone's stealin' your tarts
Don't let it break your heart

If your bridge is fallin' down
I'm gonna be around
When the bough breaks
I've got what it takes

You know who I am
I'm the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer

You know, I make my living jumping over candlesticks because I'm very nimble and quick. But, uh, one day I slipped on a puddle of wax and I got burned pretty badly. I called the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer and he was able to get me workman's comp in no time flat. Thank you Nursery Rhyme Laywer!

My little lamb followed me to school one day. Those mean boys and girls just laughed and laughed at him all day long. So I called the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer and we filed defamation of character suits against them and I haven't heard so much as a peep from them since. Thank you Nursery Rhyme Lawyer!

I got pushed off a wall and the Nursery Rhyme Lawyer got me $1.2 million. You know the story. Man, my brains is scrambled . . .